Critical Decision.



It started out like an innocent friendship. A smile here, a look there and you became friends. instantly. You used to hang out a lot together after work. You admired her personality and you became close. You found out she was dealing with some issues and offered her your help. You grew attracted to her but did not consider having a relationship with her.

One night however, while you were hanging out, ‘konji’ caught you. The setting was right and you were alone. The timing and every other thing wasn’t. She resisted at first but later gave in. and you had your way. Afterwards, you were sorry and apologized and repented. She forgave you and you promised it wouldn’t ever happen again.

You continued being friends but this time it was like she was not giving you space to breathe. You started to avoid her. To make excuses not to be with her. The more you ran away, the more she chased you. You were worried. You didn’t want her to think that the reason you were staying away from her because you had hit the ‘jack pot’.  And yet her neediness was getting on your nerves. You couldn’t help it but she really didn’t seem so attractive anymore.

One day, when she invites you out and you brush her off, she says: “I see you’ve been trying to avoid me. If you continue behaving this way, I’ll let the whole office know that you raped me.”

You are aghast. Surely she wouldn’t do that, would she? It had been consensual at the end. The truth would come out. But she knew that by then, you would already be facing disciplinary action. A few years earlier before you had an encounter with Christ and before you met her, you had had a reputation of being a Don Juan. You had nearly had a scandal once with your former employer and had to lose your job.  This lady was your first lapse since then. The new company had decided to give you a chance. If such a scandal were to happen again, you would definitely lose your job again. And which company would be willing to hire you again after that?

You’ve tried to play along with her, hoping to find a way out. You’ve taught of reporting her as mentally unstable but you are not sure who you can tell. She was a relative of your new employer. But you are worried because she seems to need you more and more and had once even threatened suicide if you tried to leave her. One night to prove she was serious; she gave herself a deep cut on her arm using a knife. You were in a fix. You couldn’t leave her because you would lose everything you’d worked for and you had no idea how she would react. You couldn’t stay with her because she was dangerous and you really didn’t have any feelings for her.  What do you do?


Guest Post

Characteristics of the Human Heart

by Casey Treat



God wants every heart and every family to be whole, yet today over half of the young people in the world live in single-parent households during their early years. This often produces a heart within them that has been bruised, abandoned, rejected, or lied to. 

One of the signs of an orphaned heart is a refusal to look at personal problems and personal responsibility. When was the last time you looked at the attitudes and conditions of your heart? Whether you realize it or not, many of these were established by your childhood environment and carried into adulthood. 

My wife recently met a man whose life exemplifies this well. During an airplane flight, he told my wife, Wendy, “I’m an atheist.” They had a wonderful conversation about the Lord because the man was not really an atheist. 

His heart had been broken because he had been raised in a religion that had not healing for him. When he heard the truth about Jesus, he did believe and was open to God. Religion had left him empty and brokenhearted. Truth will set you free. 

Your life experiences affect your heart. Time spent with a good family and church will produce positive results in your heart. Hurts, bitterness, and lies will produce problems in your heart. 

As you learn God’s Word and renew your mind with it, your heart recovers. Then as you make the necessary adjustments in your life, the problems in your heart will fade and you will begin to experience positive results. 

If you feel your life is on course with God, then all you need to do is to make incremental changes and you will continue to grow, increase, improve and prosper. 

Think of it as driving to Los Angeles from Seattle. It’s pretty much a straight shot south. Along the way you make incremental changes, like changing lanes now and then, but you are headed in the right direction. Don’t stop. Don’t give up. You will get there. 

If your life has been a string of disasters and bad decisions, then stop the car, change your direction, and find the road that will take you to God’s best for your life. 

These changes will take more than incremental changes or small adjustments. You may have to do a U-turn and get serious about making life changes. 

Focus on the family

Focus on the family.


The ‘look alike’ look.

“It’s Tinuke’s wedding next week,” your wife calls out from the bedroom while you pore over some documents at the table. You  have a presentation at the office the following week and you want everything to be perfect. You really cannot remember who Tinuke is. You are hoping she will provide more information so you wisely keep your mouth shut.

“You know Tinuke now, that my second cousin?” your wife volunteers. “She sent her aso ebi to my office yesterday. She said its 10k for six yards. I think if we do it well we can both manage the 6 yards.”

“Hmm,” you say non-committal. Inwardly you bristle. Another 10k unbudgeted for, just because of a second cousin’s wedding. Actually you don’t mind spending that amount for a relative’s wedding. You would gladly use that money to buy her a gift rather than overburden your wardrobe with loads of Ankara material. You spent such a lot of money on buying aso ebi for so many occasions the previous year and you really do not want to spend more money on such frivolity. But the ”wifey” doesn’t see it as you do. “It’s just 5k,” she says sweetly. “Besides, they bought for our own wedding.” And to avoid any argument over ‘just 5k’, you have been giving in.  Sometimes with some skilful persuasion, you are able to convince her that you both wear one of the pairs of matching clothes that have crammed your wardrobe instead os spending money on a new one, and she grudgingly gives in.

You wonder silently though why you didn’t get the memo before the wedding, that to be a respectable Nigerian couple, you and your wife must always dress alike. To declare to the world that you are one, once you are together, you must always wear matching outfits. If it was left to you, you’d prefer to wear your white kaftan while she wears her purple lace. Or you’d rather dress corporate in a suit and tie, while she goes for the full traditional attire. But marriage comes with its own expectations. You had to try to make the most of every situation.

“’Dear,” you call out. “That 10k for Tinuke’s asoebi, do you mind lending it to me?”

“I can’t afford it right now.”

“What? But I can’t afford it either,” your wife responds and you hear her footsteps as she begins to come out of the room.

You smile mischievously. Perhaps now, she might be made to see things your way.

P.S: Just how far has the aso ebi fad eaten into the fabric of Nigerian homes? Is there an unwritten memo that for a Nigerian couple to be the picture of marital bliss, husbands and wives must always appear in matching outfits? /Use the comment box to express your opinions.