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The Dealbreaker. Part 2.
So we continue from where we left off last week. Remember your comments and opinions are welcome.
5. Lying: Funny thing is, although guys generally are masters at deception, they can’t stand it when their lady lies and then they later find out about it especially when it’s a continuous pattern of behavior. In essence, you are telling them they can’t trust you. No one wants to be with someone they can’t trust.
6. Constant criticism: Of course we all know that men are egocentric beings so they find it more difficult to withstand a verbal bashing. But imagine them being exposed to that kind of bashing day after day. After a while they will scream that they can’t take it anymore. Especially our naija men. Who born you to tell me that I don’t know how to manage my money? Or that my tie is always crooked? Or that all my friends are evil?
7. Abusive: I don’t know about you guys but as a child I watched free shows where the women held their husbands’ clothing and shouted: “Oloshi, you will kill me today. You better bring out that money or else…” The harried husband usually tried to hold to his shreds of dignity either by pulling away and dragging the woman with him woman a ferocious blow or slap or also abusing her in very colorful language. Nowadays though, such shows are few and far between. Our men certainly cannot tolerate a public show of shame anymore. They don’t seem to appreciate a colorful stream of abuse privately too.
8. Lack of Ambition/Too much ambition: Gone were the days when women sat at home making babies and men went out to work. The Nigerian economy just doesn’t call for that anymore. So for most working class Nigerian men, they really don’t want to waste time with someone who can’t contribute financially or has no idea of where she’s going or what she wants to do. On the other hand, they can’t deal with someone whose ambitious drive doesn’t give them time to be with their family and carry out the traditional roles of wife and mother. Many Nigerian men don’t make good househusbands. So the trick ladies, is in the balancing.
9. Lack of housekeeping skills: Remember what I said about the shower? Although not all men insist on that, a lot still have their own fantasies of what constitutes good housekeeping skills. Forget the fact that you went to his house last week and you saw week old plates in the kitchen sink. They just hold you to a higher standard. So for most naija dudes, you must be willing and able to wash and cook and clean and keep tidy both your person and your residential quarters.
10. Nagging: This has been said to be the number one sin of women all over the world. I tried to do a little research on nagging and this is what I came up with. Nagging can be defined as the ability to annoy someone by constantly scolding, complaining or urging. Someone explained nagging thus: “You can say it in a number of different ways, but when you say it in a number of different ways over and over again, that constitutes nagging.”(Michelle Weiner Davis). So ladies, men don’t appreciate our harping on something again and again. Once we’ve said it twice or thrice, then we need to let it go. They will get it eventually with our love and patience( lol. we pray so). FYI, men nag too and it’s also a deal breaker for a lot of women.
This is not an exhaustive list but for the most part it covers a lot of the things men feel they cannot cope with. Other things men mentioned as deal breakers were a lady who is haughty, argumentative, boring or can’t move on from her past. Still others talked about the other person not loving pets, or not being able to put their phone down.
Relationships like many other things in life works on a balancing mechanism. As a person you must be able to look at the pros and cons of the relationship. Yes, this person has these flaws but do their good points trump the bad ones? Because ladies and gentlemen, at the end of the day what we are all looking for is love and acceptance and we must be willing to give it if we want to get it.