Leaving The Past In The Past. Part 2.
I missed Tope. He had gone off on an extended work trip. Lately, we had been closer than ever but his absence was putting a strain on us. It was months since the Soji incident and there didn’t appear to be any repercussions from the kissing incident. We were not awkward about it. We just chatted occasionally like casual friends.
I suddenly realized I did not have much of a social life apart from Tope. Like many girls, I had put my relationship far ahead of cultivating my same sex friendships. And now that Tope was gone I was left twiddling my thumbs. It was going to be a long weekend. My phone beeped. A message from facebook. It was Soji.
“Hey dear. How’s your weekend going?”
I sighed. “Boring,” I typed in.
“Odd. I just got this urge to check up on you. I’m in your area again. Perhaps we could hang out?”
I gave it a moment’s thought. There was nothing better to do. Perhaps I should let him come. It was past 5. I mentally warned myself to not allow him stay till dark.
“Yeah. Just for a little while.” I typed in.
“Ok. I’ll be on my way then.”
I found myself looking forward to the knock on the door. Fifteen minutes later, it was Soji.
He gave me a half-hug as he came into my apartment and I caught a whiff of his cologne. He really looked good. That was what made other girls envious of me while we were dating. I felt a little strange as we sat down on the couch. The atmosphere had become charged somehow, as if with electricity. I got up to get a drink for both of us, wondering what was wrong with me.
When I returned I sat across from him and slotted in a CD for us to watch. We chatted about inconsequential things as the movie progressed and suddenly one of the scenes became a romantic one. I was a little embarrassed and I turned my face away from the screen. Goose pimples had appeared on my arm. I looked at the time. It was already seven.
“Soji, I have to call it a night,” I said. “I need to turn it early.”
Soji smiled at me. “I understand. Besides, the traffic should be easing up by now.”
He got up and I followed him towards the door. As I opened the door for him, he stared deep into my eyes and I felt my knees go weak.
“You don’t really want me to go Abigail,” he whispered, his voice close to my ear. I shuddered involuntarily.
“You have to go now Soji. You must go now,” I protested weakly.
In answer, he cupped my face in his hands and stared into my eyes. I felt powerless to turn away. Suddenly I heard the door slam behind me. Soji was not going anywhere.
We did not have sex that night. However, we did everything but. I could not remember when last I felt…so alive. And yet so filled with guilt.
“I won’t disrespect you like that Abigail,” Soji said. “Not unless you want me to.”
I could not believe I had given in so easily. But after that night, it seemed like I was under a spell. All my old feelings for Soji resurfaced. He seemed like a god in my eyes. I lacked the self will to keep from thinking about him. He was everything I thought a man should be. He was such a take charge person. That was one of the reasons why I loved and feared him in our relationship. Guilt nagged at me but I chased it away. We were not sleeping together, I reasoned. Besides, what if this was the last opportunity I had to determine if Soji was my one true love? The passion I felt for him I had never experienced it with Tope or anyone else. He kept away for a few nights and then he started coming to see me regularly for about a week. We’d start chatting and talking and then we always ended up the same way. In each other’s arms. The day we finally had sex was when we had gone too far to go back.
I was so ashamed after it was over. Soji apologized profusely to me and promised me that it would never happen again. He began to plead with me to marry him instead of Tope that what we had was real. Filled with shame and guilt, I summoned the courage to send him away from my house that night. He went without argument looking truly repentant with the hint of tears in his eyes. I knew I had to end this horrible affair now. But my problems were far from over.
P.S: Part 3 and the conclusion of the story comes up on Saturday. Meanwhile, Let’s have feedabck from you. See if you can spot the mistakes Abigail made in part 1 and 2.
Today’s story was inspired by something I heard about recently. Please read, learn and enjoy.
Leaving the Past in the Past. Part 1
I really did not know why I let Soji in that night. I mean I knew we were done. There was no way I was going back to him. Tope and I were heading down the aisle in a few months and I loved him with all my heart. But I guess Soji and I needed closure. We had broken off rather violently and I still smarted from the things he said to me that awful night. So when he started chatiing with me on facebook, I felt compelled to answer and we started becoming friends again. He called me occasionally and said he was glad that we could still be friends. I guess I was glad too. Soji was so different from Tope-all fiery and demanding. Tope was like an angel-easy to please and dependable. But I guess I still missed Soji’s presence in my life.
One night he called me that he was passing through my area and he just wanted to say hi. It was around 7/30pm, still a decent time by Lagos standards. I lived alone but I did not feel that was a problem. I had never been physical with Soji and I was certainly not going to start that night. I agreed and he came in and we started gisting about our old friends. I didn’t look at the time until it was 3 hours later and I realized it was getting late. I told him the time and he sighed.
“You’re right,” he said. “I should go. But I don’t want to. I’ve forgotten how easy you are to talk to.”
I smiled in response. I bit my lip to keep from saying that he never said that while we were dating. As the saying goes, you never know what you have until you lose it. Besides, it didn’t matter now. I belonged to Tope. Soji stared at me for a moment and told me that breaking up with me was the biggest mistake he had ever made. I could suddenly feel my heart racing as he said: “I need you Abigail,” and leaned towards me. I did not realize when I started kissing him back but I pushed him away. He apologized and quickly took his leave. I could not believe what had happened. How on earth was I to tell Tope about this? I couldn’t let him know about it. It was just a stupid mistake…one I knew wouldn’t happen again. I knew that it was dangerous to keep talking with Soji but I reasoned that we were both just on an emotional high. He was my ex after all. We got caught up in the moment. An unguarded moment.
We would be careful next time. Then I caught myself. What was I saying? Next time? There wouldn’t be a next time. Soji was unlikely to come to my house again. I would just keep talking to him but limit physical contact. Well, that was the beginning of my self -deception.
The Differences Between Confidence and Arrogance
by Blaine Bartel
Four Differences Between Confidence and Arrogance
Some people think that confidence is pride. You can be confident and be very humble. Pride is confidence in the wrong things. True confidence comes from a solid foundation of knowing who you are in Christ. Look at these four differences between confidence and arrogance and check up on yourself.
1. Confidence is security in who we are in Christ. Arrogance is self-reliance because of what we have, who we know, or what we have done.
2. Confidence is knowing that “we can do all things through Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:13) versus trusting what we can do ourselves.
3. Confidence is knowing our past is forgiven by God and we are in good standing with Him by faith. Arrogance is confidence in our works and our righteousness (Eph 2:8).
4. Confidence is knowing that God is on our side and, therefore, it doesn’t matter who is against us. Arrogance is security from circumstances and our own resources (Rom. 8:31).
5. Be confident because of who you are in Christ Jesus. With Him on your side, you can’t fall.
Five Marks Of A Confident Person
Use this as a check to see if you are confident in who you are in Christ.
1. You aren’t afraid to meet new people.
2. You like to try new things and see new places.
3. You aren’t afraid to take calculated risks in order to achieve something you want.
4. You don’t get discouraged and depressed when you fall. Instead, you pick yourself back up.
5. It doesn’t bother you much when people criticize you.
If all the statements above describe you, you are very confident. If four of the statements are true about you, your confidence is solid and improving.
Three true statements mean you could use some improvement. It’s not looking good if only two statements are true; you are limiting yourself from great experiences. If you only found one statement to be true, reread this every day until all the statements are true. Remember, in Christ you are a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17).
Three Musts For Building Real Confidence
If you need more confidence in your life, here is a simple game plan that will help you grow.
1. Find your identity in Christ Jesus. If we look to ourselves for confidence, we have many reasons to be insecure and disappointed. But in Christ, we are amazing. Look up these Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 5:17, Philippians 4:13; Colossians 1:22; Jude 24; Romans 8:15.
2. Surround yourself with people who believe in you. Small people criticize big dreams. Don’t allow your faith and self-esteem to be robbed by critical and negative people. Surround yourself with people who believe in you.
3. Take small steps to build big victories. We all have things in our lives we are secretly afraid of. Maybe its heights, meeting new people, trying new foods, or sharing our faith. Don’t take a leap of faith; take little steps toward overcoming our fears. The Bible says, “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord” (Ps. 37:23).
Build these three steps to confidence into your daily routine, and watch your confidence soar.